I'm still on my mission to love better. God is really showing me that I need to do that with my husband. God has changed me to nearly unrecognizable from a year ago, when it comes to my marriage.
I've spent many years trying to redeem myself, drawing lines in the sand and trying to stand my ground. God really showed me that I could stop doing that this past year. I grew up in a home where my father didn't respect my mother. He was willing to cross any line drawn, physically or emotionally. He was abusive. I was determined to put my foot down, draw a line and have my basic rights when I get married. The funny thing is, I didn't marry an abusive man. He's no saint, a sinner all day long but not abusive. Yet I still drew lines. What a relief when God showed me that my husband didn't always have to be perfect and I didn't always have to "stand my ground". I wasn't weak or a bad mom for not standing strong about differences we had. God taught me the art of forgiveness (God really knows about forgiveness) and of letting HIM fight my battles by going to Him in prayer. Can you imagine the difference this has made in our marriage and for our kids?
That's just one of many changes that occurred in 2011. This year He has already given me a project. Learn to ~LOVE~ my husband better. The preacher is preaching on marriage makeovers for the next 4-6 weeks. The sermon was a God send although my conviction took a turn of it's own, not necessarily the one intended. The preacher challenged us to make a weekly date night a priority. The funny thing is, my husband doesn't enjoy our date nights. I'm not sure why. My best guess is that he feels pressured or awkward. I can get a baby sitter for us to watch movies at home and he seems tense. I can put the kids to bed early, do the same thing and he's so relaxed. Maybe the formality makes him feel pressured. Now I'm on a mission to find out what his love language is. What is bonding and comfortable for him. I'll start this mission by COMMUNICATION. I'll talk to him about this however I won't EXPECT a good response. My husband has a hard time understanding his own behavior let alone explaining it. He often feels the need to give me the response that HE FEELS is right. He might say "No, I don't feel pressure, our date nights are great, I love them and won't to continue doing things the same". I'll pray before and after our conversation. I'll plant a seed in his head to either lighten up or change our date night to something more comfortable. He may surprise me and give me a great answer but I won't EXPECT it. I only expect to be gentle with my wording in a way that helps not hinders. I'm on a mission to find out HOW to love HIM. This isn't about me. When I discover how to best love him, it will benefit me. When he's happy, when he has realized that he is greatly loved and cherished by me, I'm a step closer to showing him what God has to offer us. Do you see the circle? What a beautiful circle!!!
If anyone ever reads this, I would love to know about your date nights. I would love to know if they are nice, inconvenient, pointless, keep the passion going and any suggestions!
