Parenting Is Not For The Faint Hearted!

My number one goal when addressing issues is to look at the heart and the intentions. I can spank my children, put them in time outs, ground them, yell at them (I'm not promoting this, in fact I can't stand when I do this), or give them positive reinforcements and none of it will make a difference if I don't address the Heart and intentions. My kids are tough. I've seen them play harder than an effective spanking, out will my time outs and groundings, and enjoy positive rewards but still not be able to control them self. I've got to look at their hearts and intentions to crack their shells (or should I say shields).
My four year old acted ugly in children's church and my helper put her in the corner. After being released I asked my four year old if she understood that we must work together and we cannot whine. She (while looking down at the floor) mumbled "Yes, I just didn't want her scribbling on the paper". She was still teary eyed. She didn't want to share a paper with a child that was scribbling. I sent her back to the corner after talking to her firmly about having a bad attitude and needing to be more understanding as well as having a good attitude sometimes, even when we don't like something. She then showed her true colors by bursting out crying again and saying "I just don't want to share with her". I read past her fake apology and could tell by her countenance that she wasn't sorry. She still felt bad for herself and very cheated out of her little paper. The next opportunity she had to get out of the corner, she had a much better attitude and told me that she would be glad to share (with a genuine smile and pep in her step). She no longer pitied herself, but was ready to comply. Heart issues and intentions are the hardest to address but are they are the only ones really worth addressing. Discipline or training without that just stirs up frustration in you and the child. They may budge for now but what's really changed if their heart or intentions are the same as before?

I have three girls. They just turned 12, 9, and 4 years old. The are all very well behaved (most of the time). BUT (Big but and yes I know a sentence shouldn't start with but, but mine do), each one has their own issues, struggles, and moments of terror. We address them as each issue comes along the best I know how. If what I'm doing isn't working, I change what I'm doing with them. That's my job as a parent. To help them become and be great people in their current stage and future. I don't stop and say I've tried everything. I keep going until I've found what works. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
faint-heart·ed (fnthärtd)

adj.

Deficient in conviction or courage; timid.

---

faint-hearted·ly adv.

faint-hearted·ness n.

Just a little update!

Life happens is an understatement in 2012!  My mom has been in and out of the hospital this year.  I've really failed at a lot of things!!!  In fact, I was just looking over my resolutions and I had forgot a lot of them!  I can't believe it!  I was so pumped and determined.  How did I get so far away from "home"????  Oh well, I'm going to get back on track.  I'm repumped (now that I remember it).  Today's blog is just an update on my life since that was a major reason for this blog. 

Since my mom has been battling her A-Fibs and other health problems due to her A-Fibs things have been very hard.  I think I came close to a nervous breakdown.  This has been one of the most stressful health problems we've dealt with (for me anyways).  Why?  Because a lot of this could of been prevented or stopped by my mom or her cardiologist is it were handled.  Both have made poor choices.  Watching a loved one suffer with an uncontrollable illness is one thing.  Watching a loved one slowly die by choice, is another.  I do believe somethings are going to get better now.  She has a new doctor and I'm confident the new doctor will do what's necessary and cater to their own pride and feelings. 

This school year has been one of the best one's yet.  Also, one of the most unorganized! I'm always a day late and a dollar short but we keep on trucking along.  I'm very proud of my girls! 

I see the two older one's turning into beautiful young ladies and I'm talking about on the inside! 

We bought a new house!  We now live in a better city in general.  It's right by the old city but still, a better group of people for our girls to be brought up around. 

I've definitely taken a step back when it comes to my progress!  I'm ready for my 2 steps forward. 

We've grown a lovely little garden and I'm super proud of the squash and zucchini we've been enjoying from it! 

I've cut out all of my snacking.  I only eat 3 meals a day.  I'm on a mission to make life changes and not just do another diet.  I was inspired by this when a friend of mine's husband passed away from a heart attack unexpectedly as well as from watching my mom suffer with her health.  I'm trying to make better choices during those 3 meals but I don't ever go back to the kitchen between meals.  It's helping me in some way because I've lot 15lbs and haven't counted the first calorie!  :)  I've been doing this for maybe....almost 2 months.  It's progress!

My step son doesn't come around very often.  It's been a nice break from some of his drama but I've been missing him.  Still no word from the other one although we heard through his mother that he will be going on a mission trip to Turkey.  I'm so proud of him!

I definitely didn't name everything we've been doing but there is a little update that one day I'll look back and appreciate right?  I'll blog again very soon.

Do you and your husband enjoy date nights?

I'm still on my mission to love better.  God is really showing me that I need to do that with my husband.  God has changed me to nearly unrecognizable from a year ago, when it comes to my marriage.

I've spent many years trying to redeem myself, drawing lines in the sand and trying to stand my ground.  God really showed me that I could stop doing that this past year.  I grew up in a home where my father didn't respect my mother.  He was willing to cross any line drawn, physically or emotionally.  He was abusive.  I was determined to put my foot down, draw a line and have my basic rights when I get married.  The funny thing is, I didn't marry an abusive man.  He's no saint, a sinner all day long but not abusive.  Yet I still drew lines.  What a relief when God showed me that my husband didn't always have to be perfect and I didn't always have to "stand my ground".  I wasn't weak or a bad mom for not standing strong about differences we had.  God taught me the art of forgiveness (God really knows about forgiveness) and of letting HIM fight my battles by going to Him in prayer.  Can you imagine the difference this has made in our marriage and for our kids? 

That's just one of many changes that occurred in 2011.  This year He has already given me a project.  Learn to ~LOVE~ my husband better.  The preacher is preaching on marriage makeovers for the next 4-6 weeks.  The sermon was a God send although my conviction took a turn of it's own, not necessarily the one intended.  The preacher challenged us to make a weekly date night a priority.  The funny thing is, my husband doesn't enjoy our date nights.  I'm not sure why.  My best guess is that he feels pressured or awkward.  I can get a baby sitter for us to watch movies at home and he seems tense.  I can put the kids to bed early, do the same thing and he's so relaxed.  Maybe the formality makes him feel pressured.  Now I'm on a mission to find out what his love language is.  What is bonding and comfortable for him.  I'll start this mission by COMMUNICATION.  I'll talk to him about this however I won't EXPECT a good response.  My husband has a hard time understanding his own behavior let alone explaining it.  He often feels the need to give me the response that HE FEELS is right.  He might say "No, I don't feel pressure, our date nights are great, I love them and won't to continue doing things the same".  I'll pray before and after our conversation.  I'll plant a seed in his head to either lighten up or change our date night to something more comfortable.  He may surprise me and give me a great answer but I won't EXPECT it.  I only expect to be gentle with my wording in a way that helps not hinders.  I'm on a mission to find out HOW to love HIM.  This isn't about me.  When I discover how to best love him, it will benefit me.  When he's happy, when he has realized that he is greatly loved and cherished by me, I'm a step closer to showing him what God has to offer us. Do you see the circle?  What a beautiful circle!!!

If anyone ever reads this, I would love to know about your date nights.  I would love to know if they are nice, inconvenient, pointless, keep the passion going and any suggestions!

2012 Resolutions

I have a lot of resolutions for 2012.  I love resolutions, goals, list and any other form of planning!  I don't even mind not succeeding at all of them.  I just love trying!  The way I see it, if I try I can only do better than the year before, even if I don't mark it off. 

Three of my resolutions are going to be really fun!  I can't go wrong with them. 

Love better...love every one regardless of their response to me, love abundantly, love unselfishly, love in a way that points people to God
Be gentler....I want my voice, my demeanour and my expressions to be gentle so that I may represent Christ better
Make my home a haven for my husband and kids...I want the sounds, the smells and the scenery to be inviting and relaxing...my first 2 resolutions will help with this one also ;)  This ministry is my primary calling and it comes above all outside of my home

I decided to start my 2012 goals by offering my husband a gift.  A simple gift.  This gift touched him more than any material item we exchanged for Christmas.

A vow from me to him.

Excuse the poor handwriting and spelling.  This letter was written on a whelm.  The vows were thought out carefully but the letter was unexpected.  I finished it up with a little spray from my favorite perfume (like I do all my letters). 

I figured what better way to begin accomplishing my goals than to put them in writing! 

My other goals include:
Eat healthier
Exercise and be more active
Be a harder worker...less laziness
Pray more for my children's future
Pray that my husband gets a need that ONLY God can fill
Memorize one verse per month
Be bolder when Christ calls me to it

My verse of the year remains the same as last year; 2 Corinthians 12: 9-12.  I'm still working on mastering the concept that Christ IS my strength when I'm weak and that I just need to LEAN COMPLETELY on Him. 

Dear Lord,
Help me to reach all of these goals.  Help me to attain the fruit of the spirit, self control, so that I may reach all of these goals.  Lord, the goals accomplished will do nothing for me unless they be used to serve YOU. I pray that I serve You this year like never before!!!
In Jesus' name,
Amen!

Merry Christmas!

It's the day we celebrate Jesus' Birthday!!!  My heart rejoices.  I love this day!  It's the day that we celebrate the King of Kings coming to earth, leaving His throne and His Father for us.  He traded the crown of gold for the arms of a human.  He gave up all that He had me and you.  He gave His all while we gave nothing.  We contributed our imperfections while He brought perfection.  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you for your unconditional and incomparable love!  The only love and light that we as humans know as totally unselfish and pure.  Thank you Jesus for valuing us.  Thank you Jesus!!!

Matthew 1:21
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

Simple Christmas Traditions

I love traditions.  Traditions are happy moments that we know will come back again.  When I was a little girl I would watch television shows where the families would enjoy their Christmas traditions together and dream of having our own.  We really didn't have many.  My family was really broken.  Life had taken it's toll on my mom and us at times.  We had a few but it wasn't like the families on T.V. but then again who's is?  Now that I have my own kids I look for special moments and traditions.  Some of ours include Adornaments, looking at Christmas lights, Hopeland Gardens Christmas lights, making homemade ornaments, Christmas shows, going to the live Nativity at a local church, singing Christmas songs, something charitable and more.  Occasionally a tradition might get skipped.  I try not to but if we are doing something that works out better, we will skip the other.  Also, if the traditional is feeling like a burden and not a blessing, it can be skipped.  This year we missed two of my favorites. They were both things that help us celebrate Christ.  I'll come up with something to replace those so we keep our focus where it should be.

A small family get together.  Usually, I only invite a few people outside of our home.  Lots of food but the company is small so we can't chat on a small and personal level.

 Rolls, ham, mac & cheese, green beans, field peas with snaps, squash casserole, cucumbers, mash potatoes w/ a splash of something extra and deviled eggs.  Baklava for dessert..... um um good!

 I put on the wrong lipstick by accident.  None the less, I love this pic!

 I'm a mamma's girl to this day!

 We love any kind of competitive game!!

At the end of this dinner, even my doggy was tired!!! 

 Adorenaments are a favorite tradition of mine. 

 12 adorenaments.

 Each ornament teaching about Jesus' names in the bible and leading up to the real Christmas story.  Last year these help lead my daughter to Christ.  She hung on every word.

I love the kids gathering around me to listen and ask questions.

 The tree doesn't look right until we start putting these up. 

 Baking is another big tradition. 

 Getting messy is also a part of the tradition!

 Even I get messy!

 For a nice change, they were only playing!

 We did candy streamers and decorative pine cones this year.  Aren't they pretty?

More to come!

To Prince Charming and Lady Snow!

I had tea with the finest in all the lands.  That's right!! Snow aka Lacey, hosted her first tea party with her fine china that she got for Christmas.  She named her guest, each unique names.  Lady Vain (Sabrina), Lady Ga Ga (Julia), Prince Charming (her dad) and Princess (me) all attended this fine tea.  I can honestly say, I had so much fun!!!!  It's was truly the best event of the season!  The tea (hot chocolate) was great and served with peanut butter cookies.  We talked about all the latest things happening and then we dance.  I even got to dance with Prince Charming ~batting my eyes like a love struck girl~!!!

 All the ladies wanted to dance with Prince Charming.

 Prince Charming knows how dance with the ladies!

 He keeps me laughing!

 I LOVE MY PRINCE CHARMING MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I COULD LOVE A MAN.

I COULDN'T GET LADY SNOW UP AS HIGH AS THE PRINCE BUT I TRIED AND HAD FUN TRYING!